Is Pujols in Miami like the shittiest fucking development in a month of Mondays, or does it merely set your teeth on extreme edge? I keep having visions of Pujols out there in the cane fields like Ricardo Montalban or something, winning them over one contraption of a sentence at a time. He toured the new ballpark and couldn’t believe how big it was? Why would a sluggy hitter like Pujols be impressed by how big a park is? That sounds like claptrap and almost cheered me up when I heard it. The “Miami” Marlins, which makes them sound even more fifties than they already did, are feinting their way to the top of these stakes. I hope Pujols is shrewd enough to look past it.
I can totally see their next move being getting LeBron to take Pujols to every horribly tacky bottle-service club in South Beach just to show him how not St. Louis everything is. Next he’ll be photographed lying at the pool outside the Fontainebleu, wearing a Joe Namath chest pelt. Why is Miami allowed to have professional sports franchises/exist? The Marlins essentially are pre-approved through the mail for a credit card with a soaring upper limit and are rushing off to the Galleria. The Arizona Diamondbacks may have got their one title, but that bill came due, sirree! It came due.
Best of luck screwing us over, Albert you loveable soon-to-be-overpaid lump.
